My wife and I have been in a monogamous marriage for 20 years. We recently started exploring our sexual shadows/fantasies together. I came to an awareness that I had a fantasy of watching my wife with another man. For me it’s less about the shame dynamic, and more about getting satisfaction watching her get off, be desired, and showing off my wife. There is an exhibitionist and voyeristic component I guess.

We have not acted on this, but I would like to dip my toes in slowly. She is not particularly turned on by the idea, and it’s not really her fantasy at all. That said, she said she would be willing to try something if it pleased me. Her fantasies lie more in the realm of submission. Right now, she is open to the idea of me watching her be touched by another man, as a starting point. We have very excellent communication, respect each other’s boundaries, and trust each other. How and where should we proceed from here? I want her to feel safe and I want her to feel sexy and desired. I don’t want her to feel pushed or forced or disrespected. I want to make sure we go into this with the right motivations and approach.