Thanks for the positive feedback, this is such a fun story to write, but god are things going wrong for poor John and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon. :)

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Chapter Three

16th November 2015

The last two weeks have been absolute hell. I have never felt such heartbreak, I didn’t know I could feel such pain. I try not to wallow in self pity but I just can’t believe this has happened. I’ve fallen in love with Carla, I really have. She means everything to me, without her my life would be meaningless. She’s everything to me. So why have things got so bad, you might ask? Its one word, “Ryan”.

His name has come up more and more over the last two weeks and everytime I hear that name I feel sick to the depths of my soul. To my ears, that name is like a portent of my impending doom, my impending abandonment. Oh god, I couldn’t bare it if she left me, it would just be too much. Oh god, please not that, please, anything but me losing Carla.

Every time I write his name, I feel like I’m conspiring in my own humiliation. But I can’t really get round it, his name comes up quite a lot around here you see. I haven’t met him, but I’ve seen him around campus and he always has a group around him. He’s the classic guy that men want to be and girls want to be with. He’s tall, attractive, confident. He’s a star of a number of sports teams. And you just can’t go far around campus without hearing his name mentioned, usually in an adoring tone. And everytime someone says his name, what happens to poor old John? That’s right, I feel sick to my stomach. It makes going to class a slightly daunting thing. God, how pathetic is that, scared of going to class just in case people mention his name. I better tell you what happened. Well there were a couple of things that started things off.

I was in my room feeling a bit lonely, Carla was having a girly night in with Anna and Becky and there was nothing she wanted me to do for her. So after playing some computer games, I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do. I started scrolling through facebook which wasn’t a particularly good idea because I was just confronted by picture after picture of young, attractive people having fun at university while I was stuck in my room alone. And then it hit me like a tongue of bricks. There was a picture of Carla and Ryan very close together. They looked like they had been drinking a bit, but he had his arm round her waist and she had her head nestled in his chest. She had the most carefree, joyful smile I’ve ever seen and he was so smug. I felt terrible, I couldn’t believe she would do that to me. The comments made it ten times worse.

“Such a cute couple”

“Is it official yet?”

“The King and Queen of campus!”

“HOT!!!”

I went to my bed to lie down for a moment, overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, betrayal. After ten minutes or so I crawled back to my computer and scrolled through more pictures on Carla’s feed. There were more pictures from that night, no pictures of them actually kissing, but fuck they looked like they got close. And the look on her when she was gazing into his eyes. She looked like she really fancied him. I couldn’t sleep that night, but I hoped and prayed that I’d read too much into it, it couldn’t mean anything really, could it? I couldn’t bring myself to ask her.

The next morning I was round at Carla’s cleaning up after her evening with Becky and Anna. Carla was feeling really hung-over so was still in bed. I brought her breakfast in bed: eggs, toast, bacon, sausages. She looked so sweet in bed with a pained expression on her face, I just wanted to take care of her and make sure she got better as quickly as possible.

“Thank you” She croaked as I put the food on the side table. My heart ached with love for her.

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“Anything you want just tell me, okay?” I said and Carla smiled as she rolled over.

I kept her water glass topped up, fetched her painkillers as required and got her fresh cups of coffee whenever needed. In between all of that I set about cleaning her place, I wanted it to be perfect for her. I swept the floors. Dusted the shelves, cleaned her bathroom. I was down on my hands and knees scrubbing her toilet when I heard her voice softly calling for me. I washed my hands and then darted into her bedroom.

“John can I have one of your foot massages? I think I would really enjoy that right about now.”

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“Of course” I was delighted to be of use, so I fetched the cream, lit some candles, put on some soft music and started to give her a foot massage just the way she has taught me to. Gentle but firm, taking plenty of time over her toes. I was really happy to be able to make her feel better and before long my perfect angel was asleep. I continued rubbing her feet for another twenty minutes just to make absolutely sure she was sleeping but then continued chores around the house.

It's when I came to do her laundry that I felt sick again. As I sorted it all out, her delicates and whites separate. I was confronted by what was unquestionably men’s underwear. My eyes started to well up and all the emotions from last night started to crash upon me like a wave. In my mind’s eye I could see that facebook picture of the two of them at the bar. As I looked at the underwear, I could see Ryan’s smug, smirking face. I had never met the guy but it felt like I was being mocked. Was he really sleeping with my perfect, sweet, angelic Carla? The lovely girl of my dreams who was sleeping soundly in the next room. I put the wash on, and yes I washed his boxers. At the end of the day, I didn’t want to leave Carla with any chores to do at all, god what a sucker I am.

Did I confront her about the underwear or the facebook pictures? No, you need a backbone for something like that. Ultimately, I decided I preferred not knowing than having my fears confirmed and the risk of breaking up that came with that. Throughout the day Carla got better and better. And as she felt better, she became slightly back to her usual demanding self around me. The “pleases” and “thank yous” seemed to disappear from her speech.

“What are you making for dinner tonight John?” She asked curtly as she plopped down on the sofa and switched the TV on.

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“I was thinking of making that chicken stir fry dish you like.” I said, “I got all the ingredients for it while you were sleeping.

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“No, I don’t fancy that, make me a lasagne instead.” She said without taking her eyes away from the television. I’d spent a good amount of money on the ingredients for the stir fry but that didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest. Another trip to the shop for me then.

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“Of course Carla, I’ll make us a lasagne.” I smiled at her to keep things upbeat but she ignored me.

As I cooked Carla mostly watched TV but she sent a few texts and at one point she got a phone call.

“Hey Becky…well I feel a lot better than I did earlier…I can’t believe that we drank so much…John has been an absolute sweetheart…we’re having lasagne…yes of course you can come round…awesome…I’ll just ask.” She held the phone to her hand and called out to me, “John, when is dinner going to be ready?”

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“Ummmmm…about an hour and a half but I don’t think th…” She cut me off and went back to her phone call,

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“It’ll be an hour and a half…great see you then…love you.” She blew a kiss into the phone and then hung up.

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“Carla, I don’t think there will be enough lasagne for the three of us.” I said apologetically.

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“Really? I was kind of hoping that I’d be able to have some for lunch tomorrow as well, and Becky might want to take some home too. Why didn’t you make more?” She said accusingly.

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“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry Carla…I thought it would just be the two of us.”

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“Well you should be more prepared.” She said in a frustrated tone of voice, “can’t you pad it out with something else?”

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“Yes Carla.”

So off I went to the shop again, third trip of the day. But I tried to keep a smile on my face, I thought that the worst thing I could do was to become bad company to be around, then Carla really might break up with me.

Back in the flat, I made a fresh salad and I put on some garlic bread. Carla came over to have a look,

“It smells amazing John.” She said cheerfully, “And the portion sizes works perfectly. Though probably not enough for you to have, if me and Becky want to have some for lunch tomorrow.”

I was stunned by her comment, I had worked my ass off for her today and made this meal from scratch and she was saying that I wasn’t going to have any of it.

“But…but…I’ve spent hours cooking it, what shall I eat?”

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“Oh don’t be such a drama queen” her attitude switched in an instant from gratitude to annoyance, “I want to provide food for my friend, I’m sure you can find something else to eat.” She turned back to the couch.

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I looked around in the cupboard and found some bread and jam. I guess it was just going to be toast for me. I decided it would be more humiliating to eat toast while Becky and Carla had lasagne so I wanted to eat before Becky arrived. I put the bread in the toaster and got the jam out.

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“I want to freshen up before Becky gets here. Go run me a bath.” Carla ordered.

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“Can I just have this toast first please? It’s about to be done.” I asked cautiously.

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“Errrr…no John I want you to run my bath now, have your little toast after.”

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“Yes Carla” I tried to suppress my growing irritation. Just be cheerful, just be cheerful I kept saying to myself. I ran Carla’s bath, making sure it was at just the right temperature and the right amount of bubble-bath mixture in. When it was ready Carla came in, she wouldn’t undress until I had left, and I ate my cold toast with jam. What a gourmet dinner I got to eat, I thought sarcastically.

The knock on the door came while Carla was in her bedroom getting changed.

“Get it John.” She called out.

I opened the door and Becky smiled at me,

“Hi John, thanks for cooking” She said as she strolled past me, “You’re a real sweetie, I had absolutely nothing in the fridge and I really didn’t fancy going to the shops.”

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“Its no problem at all.” I responded, at least she was thanking me for my hard work.

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“It smells delicious” Becky exclaimed, “God, Carla’s managed to bag herself a little cooking maestro.” She smirked at me. This seemed like a slightly backhanded compliment, but I got so few from Carla that I usually take any compliment I’m given.

Carla came out of her bedroom looking stunning in a pink top and floral skirt. She hugged her friend and then they sat on the couch chatting and gossiping. They talked about work, made some bitchy comments about certain people on campus, they mentioned some upcoming parties, Ryan’s name came up a few times. The first time I noticed Becky’s eyes shoot towards me to check my reaction, Carla waved her concerns away and after that his name came up more freely, with neither of them bothering to acknowledge how tough that might me for me. Apparently, Ryan was having a small get-together that weekend with just four people: Carla, Anna, Ryan and a guy called Dave. I could have sworn I heard the words, “double date” at one point, but I couldn’t be sure.

“Dinner’s ready.” I said as I put the dishes on the table. We all took a seat.

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“Aren’t you having any?” Becky asked me. I was about to say that I didn’t feel hungry, to spare me embarrassment, but before I could Carla interjected,

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“There wasn’t enough for all of us, especially if you and I want to have some for lunch tomorrow.”

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“You mean, I’m eating your dinner?” Becky asked me. She did not look apologetic or embarrassed, she looked me straight in the eyes with a wide grin on her face. She seemed amused that she was taking the food that was meant for me.

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“It’s okay…ummm…I don’t mind…I had something else to eat.” I mumbled, unable to make eye contact with anyone.

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“Oh yes, I forgot about your little dinner, tell Becky what you had.” Carla was enjoying me squirming in my seat.

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“Ummmm….errrr…” I couldn’t get the words out.

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“God it would be nice if you could finish a sentence without ummmm and errrr all the time.” Carla snapped at me.

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“Sorry.” I panicked slightly at her irritation, my whole strategy is not to annoy Carla, to be someone she wants to have around, “I had jam on toast.”

Carla and Becky roared with laughter.

“So let me get this straight” Becky started, clearly trying to draw out my embarrassment as long as possible, “you cook this delicious lasagne thinking you might get to eat it. I come along and take your portion and as a replacement you had jam on toast.” They both seemed to relish in exposing my pathetic situation and forcing me to confront it. I wished that the ground would swallow me up.

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“Oh and it wasn’t just any old toast. I made him run my bath before he could eat his toast, so he ended up having jam on cold toast.” Carla was almost in hysterics.

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“Oh that’s just precious” Becky added, “What a feast you must have had.”

They finally left me alone and started eating the lasagne. I didn’t get any compliments but I could tell that they both enjoyed it. The conversation mostly ignored me for the next hour or so, which I was perfectly happy with. Occasionally they got me to fill up their water, grab another napkin. But mostly I was ignored. To be honest I was just pleased to hear a bit about their lives, I did genuinely enjoy hearing how happy Carla was. It did give me a warm glowing feeling inside. But before long, their amusement at me returned.

“Oh I saw you did my laundry John, that was really sweet of you.”

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“You are quite the little housewife aren’t you.” Becky commented with an impish smile.

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“John has been a complete darling today.” Carla continued, “He’s really nursed me back to full health.”

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“You’re a real gem John” Becky said with a slight mocking tone in her voice.

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“Oh oh I almost forgot, it wasn’t just my clothes that he washed. John washed a pair of Ryan’s boxers that had accidentally got in my laundry basket.” Carla could barely control her girlish giggles.

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“Oh my god! I don’t believe it” Becky exclaimed. Come, come I’ll show you. The two girls got up from the table, went through to Carla’s bedroom and I could hear the laughter coming from both of them.

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“Oh my god, they’re so neatly folded too.” Becky said as she came back towards the table.

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“I know, he’s such a good boy.” Carla grinned at me. My face was bright red, I couldn’t remember ever being so embarrassed.

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“I can’t wait to hear what Ryan thinks about that.” Becky giggled. I was mortified at the idea of Ryan knowing that I had laundered his boxers but I said nothing. “Well maybe sometime I could get him to do some of my laundry, I find it a real drag.” Becky continued.

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“Oh of course, just let me know when and I’ll send him round.” Carla responded, not even checking with me. I just sat there feeling like a complete joke.

The evening started to wind down after this, the girls retired to the sofa and put on a film while I washed up the plates and put away their leftover lasagne. God I would have loved to have a bit of it. Believe it or not, a slice of toast and jam is not actually that filling.

About 10pm Carla called out to me,

“I don’t think we need you for anything else, why don’t you go back to your place.”

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“Okay” I responded, “Hope you two enjoy your film.” They ignored me as I left and returned to my flat. I munched down a Snickers bar to stave off the hunger and then went to bed, overwhelmed by the embarrassment of the evening.

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