I know this subject has been discussed recently but I really need to vent.

I've been with my husband for sixteen years and he just came out this spring. He originally stated he was a crossdresser and that it was a sexual thing, but the kink part quickly fizzled out. It seems now that he feels possibly bi-gender, though he seems really comfortable in his body and has really not enjoyed being treated like a woman or a gay man when he's been out in more feminine clothing or shopping for women's clothing, so I really don't know what to call it or what he'll land on (or if he'll land on anything).

He has always put a lot of emphasis on sex in our relationship--not in the sense that he demands it, but physical touch is how he gives and receives love. We have always had a pretty active sex life and I felt very connected to him. Until recently, I would say my attraction was at an all-time high (even if we didn't have as much opportunity due to having small children).

He has started removing ALL of his body hair, except his head, which he's now wearing very long. He has shaved his beard and everything else. He wears women's underwear almost exclusively now, wears women's clothing at home, sometimes the same stuff that I would wear, which is a giant turn off.

I am not attracted to effeminate men. I have absolutely zero issues with other people expressing themselves in whatever manner they please, but I'm really just attracted to stereotypical shows of masculinity. In fact, I didn't realize this until he began with these changes, but that's what it is. I miss his beard and his chest hair. I can't shave a lot because of my skin sensitivity, and it makes me feel very gross that I'm hairier than him. He's also floated the idea of pegging, which is a hard no from me and I don't even know what to do with it.

I'm trying really hard to accept this. There is part of me that is so worried about seeing any more changes because I don't want our sex life to change; I'm already not the most affectionate person but I make an effort because I know that's how he feels loved. However, it's difficult to come on to him when I don't feel attraction. I also physically hate the feeling of stubble rubbing my hands or my mouth, it irritates my skin and it takes me out of the moment.

He's very hurt because he feels like I am only attracted to his body and not his soul. I tried to explain that he would probably feel pretty bothered if I somehow was able to grow a full beard and mustache, shaved my head, and grew out all of my body hair and wore men's clothes at home.

I am hurt because I still feel like he lied to me about who he was. It's definitely possible we'd be together now if he had told me when we were 20, but I feel like I was sold a lie. Now I am an overweight SAHM with no financial independence and a barren support system and a husband who loves me but lied to me for years and is now changing his body in ways that I'm not totally comfortable with and not attracted to. The clothes don't bother me as much as the body changes. He said he understands but won't stop. I don't really know what to do, just venting or looking for advice or validation.