Mother lover, son of a biscuit. Chicken loverrr 🐔🔥🍆 I just jettisoned my morning drink all over my flurping stove. You can't make this crap up. If I was going to invent a story, trust me it would be a lottt more interesting. I was playing my switch and leaning on the counter, and my left joy-con has developed a bad habit of fudging off when I least expect it. I JUST WANNA PLAY FALL GUYS, UNIVERSE

WHAT THE FUDGE? WHY YOU GOTTA PLAY ME LIKE THIS

I do have plenty of rum, but now I'm all out of ginger ale. I'm not going to cry, but I will yell at the universe for like 33 seconds or so. I just cleaned the ship out of my kitchen last night, did epic battle with fruit flies and grease stains. Could the timing be any worse?

Fruit fly battle not pictured, for obvious reasons. It hadn't devolved into maggots by any means, but there were eggs and foul odors. I got all that snoopy poopy out of my space, and I couldn't be happier

Oh thank jesus, I found cola. Even better than ginger ale because it is caffeinated. Sitting outside now and feeling more better

By the way, if anyone has any tips on what the fluck to do with a dragon fruit, that would be cool... I randomly picked it up at the grocery store yesterday and I don't know. I've never eaten one before. Where do you start, do you eat the sticker?

Happy friday, mother flippin sons of birds 🍻 please note, I have no problem with invective in everyday life. I curse like a sailor, but my phone's gotdamn text to speech keeps censoring me, so I'm trying to get more creative with my swears.

Pics cause why not https://imgur.com/a/bnT5sWD