Second day into this sobriety bullshit and I'm legit done with it already. 1am and I have to be up at 6. I just want to slam like 4 or so shots to get some fucking rest but I made the brave decision to not hit the liquor store. I'd be so okay with waiting and shaking all day just to hit the bottle 10 minutes before bed for some sweet release. I dont even care anymore. I tried to get help and whoopty doo that didnt work. This feels like a damn nightmare. Thankfully shadow people are leaving me alone.. for now.

All in all I cant fucking do this. I feel like being off the wagon is so much more disastrous but fuck this anxiety and fear and sweating and shaking and depression and feeling like my hearts gonna explode outta my face. My eyes are killing me from lack of rest. I'm so exhausted and just wanna drown in some booze for an hour just to calm the hell down. Christ It's like I'm going fucking insane typing this. Mind racing like nascar just going in circles and shit. Forreal I cant do this another day. I'd rather be dead. Or drunk again.

This isnt cool.