You know those shitbags you occasionally come across that drink every other Saturday? They either get wasted with inexperience or they stay just sober enough, and you want to punch them in the face for their ability to practice restraint?

Have you ever noticed that they're the ones who make those stupid jokes: "It's 5 o'clock somewhere!" like it actually matters what time it is when you drink.

Well this morning I had two beers for breakfast. It's usually just one; two is a treat and if I have three I don't drive and have to pay for a lyft. I've learned the finer points of my drunk; it's different in the morning and before work. It made me happy to sip my two, watch the morning news and relax. And to think of those "It's five o'clock somewhere!" assholes who are sober most of the time, who joke but never know the true pleasure of a beer or two for breakfast.