I've never said this out loud. On here. But Idk. I think maybe I should just say what I can, while I can.

My mom wasn't feeling well. Problems here. Problems there. All explainable. Everything is fine.

She goes to the doctor. Clean bill of health. Problem after problem after problem. She keeps having. Telling the doctors the nurses, anyone who would listen.

Clean bill of health.

I know that historically, our people haven't been treated kindly to the US medical system but times have changed. Things have gotten better.

I'm annoyed. She's explaining. Specialist after specialist after specialist. None of them see it.

Months of tests. Months! Do you know how long a fucking month is?

It's like 30 days. That's so fucking long.

Anyways. she finally found the right doctor. At the wrong time. Too late. Tumors everywhere.

I get the call. I go home. I know nothing about anything. Noone told me anything. Mom's request. She knew that this would break me. Even more.

I knew it was bad. I knew it was the end.

And it was.

They took me to a room. She had lost so much weight. I didn't even recognize her. I knew it was her but only part of her. The part that was holding on.

And then they moved her to a different room. I didn't put two and two together. They moved her to hospice. I should have stopped them. Begged them to change their mind. I didn't realize it at the time.

Hospice is where people go to die. I'll never forgive myself for allowing them to put her in hospice. These assholes killed my mom and they made me watch them put her in hospice.

I watched her die. She lost so much weight and I understand that she was kind of sick but they weren't feeding her.

Why weren't they feeding my mom?

Why wasn't she eating?

Why didn't I visit her earlier? I had just started doing weed. And it made me want to eat. I just needed to visit earlier. If I had just given it to her. She would have eaten and she would have had energy to eat and she would have gotten better.

But I was too late. So many things I could have done. I watched these fucks kill my mom. I was an accomplice. To murder.

And accomplices get punished. Just like the actors. I think.

I haven't looked up what the punishment for matricide is.

Can you believe it?

They have a word for it. A word for people like me.