Some of my embarrassing stories and why I had to switch from the harder stuff to the lifesaving beers.

I grew up drinking vodka. Got sophisticated and switched to red wine. I cannot be trusted drinking either of them, and don’t get me started on tequila.., so I was forced to switch to beers.

I see that many CA’s switch to beer, and here’s a tiny selection of why I had to make the switch.

Vodka, anything could happen, always blackouts. Red wine, crazy things would happen and almost always a blackout.

I was at a summer party with my firm, vodka involved. The last thing I remember is chugging 0,5L of it, the rest is blackout. I’ve been told I gave my oldest boss a lap dance, I kissed another boss’ son, then ditched him in front of said boss and started making out with another colleague. I punched one colleague who tried to stop me so hard she was bruised for weeks.

I woke up outside my apt building soaking wet, keys, phone, shoes etc. lost. I had pushed the doorbells of all 17 neighbours plenty of times and had screamed a lot outside to let me in. Someone felt pity and let me in the outer door. But as I had lost my keys I lost my shit trying to get into my apt. I had two glass vases full of bark and some flowers and two Chinese glass figures outside my door.

Woke up on the floor outside my apt and I had smashed them all into the walls and I had several pearl necklaces I wore that I had torn apart. Bark, glass, pearls everywhere. I was lost without my phone and keys, so sober, I had to start the anxiety ridden task of knocking on my neighbours doors. No one would open until one nice lady did. She let me call the janitor to be let into my place and it was embarrassing to meet him as there was all this stuff broken on the ground of a whole floor.

By the way, I was wet because I love drunk swimming and had probably left all my belongings and shoes there. Reminds me of the time I was walking home from town, decided to swim, jumped in, but it was low tide. The ladder up was high above water level, so I had to lay stupidly drunk clutching on to seaweed and wait for the tide to rise so I could get out.

Okay, that was just one story, but this is too long already.

The point is, I can’t handle the stronger stuff, never have been able to, but loved the buzz. Now the only thing safe for me is beer. I can still do stupid shit, and if I drink fast enough I get blackouts. But man, it feels so much safer.

I remember a friend who lost her dad to alcoholism told me that the doctors told him that if he wasn’t a beer drinker, he would have passed many years ago.

So here’s to beer, the safest option for any degenerate.

Chairs.