[Shot of conference room in the BAU - projector shows three women lying on their shower floors, clearly dead.]

PRENTISS: What's this?

GARCIA: He - he - I can't say it, it's too horrible, almost as horrible as the past 400 episodes that I also couldn't handle looking at despite being in the FBI for years

HOTCH: He murdered them while they were in the shower by knocking them out cold and then smothering them with pillows

REID: That's highly unusual, typically pillows, also known as "cushions", have been used for rest or "sleep", a generally relaxing activity enjoyed by the "human" community, however in these murders their original purpose has been completely perverted... almost like they're being used for an eternal sleep

HOTCH: Wheels up in 0.0003

[Shot of plane flying out of Quantico, VA]

REID'S VOICE: 'He who sleeps is not awake.' Mohammed Ali

[Inside of plane]

REID: There's... there's something that bothers me about this...

ROSSI: What is it?

REID: In all the victim's bathrooms, the tiles alternate between black and white. Also, 2/3 of the victims had blonde hair and brown eyes.

PRENTISS: Don't most bathrooms do that and aren't there only like three victims

REID: Yeah but this time it's significant

ROSSI: Are you saying that the killer has a connection to these things?

RIED: That's exactly what I'm saying

LOCAL SHERIFF: Where's the rest of the FBI

HOTCH: It's just the BAU today, the most accurate branch of the FBI

LOCAL SHERIFF: Alright well here are the eyewitness accounts, ballistic reports, blood spatter analysis, toxicology reports, and trace evide

ROSSI: Get that shit out of my face

PRENTISS: Won't it be useful?

MORGAN: Emily when will you learn to trust the profile

[Room full of officers and local community figures]

HOTCH: Our guy is white, mid-40s, was probably sexually assaulted by his blonde, brown-eyed father in a bathroom with black-and-white tiles. Keep an eye out for anyone who was fired from a mattress or bed store recently or has a really bad relationship with pillows

OFFICER: How do you know all that

ROSSI: It's the profile

[Garcia's tech room - Garcia receives the profile on the phone and pushes a single button. Lines of text fill her screen]

MORGAN: Talk to me baby girl

GARCIA: I found 10 men with in the area who were sexually assaulted by their dad in a black-and-white tiled bathroom. Don't ask how I know that or I'd have to reveal the locations of all the secret cameras I planted in American homes

MORGAN: But what about

GARCIA: The pillows? Fear not my beautiful button, I cross-referenced these men with the CushNet, the number one resource for pillows and pillow accessories. Only 3 of the men had an account, and I'm sending you their profiles now.

MORGAN: Garcia, I didn't know you had a CushNet account

GARCIA: there's a lot you don't know about me hueahhueahhaueheheuahuahuahuauheh

GARCIA: wait oh my god

MORGAN: What

GARCIA: One of these men, a Mr. Deux E. Machina, worked at Bed & Bath as a manager... he was laid off for embezzling. Bed & Bath logo is ................................ a bathtub kind of shaped like a pillow, a little bit

MORGAN: Give me his address

[Sirens wail in the background]

[Meanwhile, in a shower somewhere, Machina blocks a woman's way out of her bathroom]

WOMAN: If you're going to kill me, then do it already!

MACHINA: I have to wait for the FBI to get here or the suspense will be ruined

[Later, in the interrogation room]

MORGAN: Why did you do it

MACHINA: I didn't do anything

MORGAN: Do you know what happens to filthy pillow-lovers in jail

MACHINA: You got me there

[Final shot of plane flying overhead]

PRENTISS'S VOICE: 'And so the pillow has become the pil-high' George Washington

-- END --