I cannot do this anymore. I can’t live like this. I love them too much. My parents are mad at me. It is not like it usually is, you know.

They’ve been mad at me several times and always lash out. They tell me I’m a rotten kid and have no hope for the future. They threaten to kick me out if they ever find me with red eyes and a vial of white powder in my purse.

They hate my drug habit, I hate it too. But I just cannot help it sometimes.

I think they have finally given up on me. They haven’t even told me I’m grounded, but I think I will ground myself anyway. It has been three days and they haven’t uttered a single word to me.

I haven’t seen my father. I think he has abandoned us at the first sight of the mess I made. My mother stares in my direction and sobs silently from time to time, but quickly looks away and goes back to her work. I’ve been yelling and screaming but she pretends I’m not even there. What would I give to even hear her say that I’m a burden not worth carrying? Anything. Just something.

I know what I did was wrong. I know I shouldn’t have snuck out that night to go to the rave. But I did. And I tried to avoid temptation, I really did. There were white lines everywhere in that room and I just couldn’t refuse the lust that was growing inside me. I must have gone a little overboard because I don’t remember anything except the haze and waking up naked in my bed.

She’s been reading the all the time, just trying to avoid me. Why can’t you hug me, Mum? Why can’t you tell me it will all be okay? I promise I will be a better person. Don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me alone like this.

Mother is in the kitchen reading the newspaper. I hugged her from behind. That’s when I saw what she has been staring at all this time. The newspaper. It had my name. And my face. All under three bold letters – R.I.P.