Hi all, I grew up with a lot of racial trauma. Wishing i was blonde hair blue eyed, like barbie and elsa, when i grew up. when i went to school kids would make fun of the food i brought so i asked my mom to let me bring bologna sandwiches so i didnt have to hear them say my food smells weird or other rude things. As I grew up, i got involved in relationship with alt right supporting white guys and it ended up very abusive and dehumanizing. They initially made me feel accepted because they said asians are honorary aryans per Hitler and that we are more like whites and would be accepted into the ethnostate they planned to carve out. But the relationship became sexually traumatizing in a very racial way. I finally had the courage to leave them, but to this day I still suffer from some form of PTSD from the abusive "race play". I wake up in the middle of the night and am haunted by nightmares from the abuse I endured. Its hard to talk about this with people in person because it often results in instant judgment. Especially from my best friends or my boyfriend.