TW: SA, DV

I’ve been diagnosed with cPTSD for 5 years now after experiencing IPV. I haven’t forgiven my abuser and never will, but I’m at a good place in my life where I am comfortable (for lack of better word) with what happened to me.

I recently had a mental health redemption conversation with my mom, where we talked about how people who suffer from mental illness are often tarnished in the eyes of society, no matter how “well” they are doing now.

It got me thinking about redemption in general, and then I saw something about Shia LaBeouf apologizing for/addressing his abusive behavior towards women. In my eyes, likely because of what I’ve experienced, I don’t feel that people who perpetrate DV can redeem themselves, but I know that’s probably not true. Abusive people can seek treatment and become “better people,” so to speak.

I was wondering everyone’s take on this. Who do you think gets to decide if someone has been “redeemed” after causing another person trauma? Can someone truly redeem themselves? Can abusive people really become healthy partners?

I struggle with this thought because it infuriates me to think that my abuser might be a decent person now (6 years after our relationship). I know it’s selfish, but it’s almost as if I don’t want him to be a decent person because in my mind, he doesn’t deserve the good and happy things that come with improving yourself.