So for those not in the know, holding in a mean steamer puts a lot of pressure on your prostate. And I mean a lot. (I take big shits). Basically, I get really grossed out by dildos, and I don’t like the idea of putting something phallic in my asshole, you can call me homophobic if you want.

However, I am envious of the euphoria associated with prostate stimulation.

Thus, I have found the beautiful and masculine medium of shitturbating.

I will hold in a log for days, (typically up to 5) and when I’m in the mood, I will edge my shit (this is where I will poke the turtlehead out and force it back in repeatedly). This talent took a while to master, but now I can perform the maneuver for up to 10 minutes: grinding my chocolate load against my tender love button.

When I’m about to climax, I usually like to splooge out both ends. Something about the feeling of finality and release makes me shudder in the deepest places.

I recommend this activity to everyone, just make sure you do so on the toilet, and don’t hold it in for too long or risk tearing your asshole open.