A coworker at a past job turned off the light to the bathroom while I was shitting. I shouted "Hey, someone's in here!" he laughed. That laugh was the biggest mistake he made. Had he not laughed I would never have known who turned the light off, but he did laugh and I recognized the laugh of Jim from sporting goods.

All our schedules were posted weekly on a cork board near the employee break room. I went back and checked the sporting goods department schedule and memorized it. Jim would be clocking out the same time I was going to lunch. At lunch I shadowed him out to the parking lot and made note of his vehicle. He would not get away with this.

Later that day when I got home from work I drank three glasses of water with around 12 table spoons of Metamucil. Around 24 hours later I was ready to poop again. I grabbed an empty masonry jar from the garage and shit in it, I capped the jar and put it outside on the back patio.

When I arrived at work the next day I had the jar with me. I saw Jim's car. Thankfully he parked at the end of the parking lot away from cameras like a good employee (we were supposed to park at the back end of the parking lot so customers could have the closer spaces to the store entrance). I took the jar over to his car, made double sure the coast was clear and checked the door, praise Crom for Jim did not lock his door. I uncapped the jar and dumped it on his driver seat, it took a few shakes to get it to slide out of the jar and it smelt putrid as all hell, I'm sure it would smell even more awful later after baking in a closed up car on a sunny afternoon in July. I discarded the jar in a dumpster behind the Circle K and then continued my regular programming for the rest of the day as a Electronics employee for a heartless mega corporation.

Sadly I never witnessed Jim's reaction to the turd in his car. I planned to go out side at lunch and see if I could catch a glimpse of him discovering his present as he went home. Alas it was not to be, I got held up that day with a TV sale and by the time I clocked out for lunch he was already gone. I imagine it was absolutely delectable. I smile to myself now imaging the revolt and horror on his face.

The only epilogue I have for the story is that several days later I overheard two coworkers talking in the break room. One of them said, "This town is going to hell. Did you hear what happened to Jim from sporting goods? A hobo or something took a shit in his car."

Never turn the light out in a public bathroom while people are still in the stalls