Hey I've always been really insecure about my looks and some parts of my personality, but I never managed to figure out the reason why I'm so self critical and rude to myself about it. And I really wanna understand what might have been the cause.

What i mean is that no one ever in my life told me anything negative about my looks (only about my height growing up but now i am a perfectly average height and i dont even feel insecure about it). friends and family would say just the opposite - that im beautiful & smart etc, it would have been this way since childhood so i exclude any sort of childhood trauma. i want to believe them but i just don't see it at all, like when i stand in front of the mirror, the only things i see are puffy cheeks, a big nose, an eyelash sitting at the wrong angle, the dark circles and no general picture of me.

my mind is just blank and foggy, like im totally incapable of seeing what other ppl see. i accept those compliments, always happy to hear them but they just don't help. some people's words might cheer me up for a rly short period of time but the feeling and that confidence never stays with me and im back to tearing myself apart.

i really don't wanna sound like im fishing for compliments, really sorry if this post looks like it, because i truly can't accept myself and this ruins my life for no apparent reason.

sorry for any grammar mistakes