So if you’ve been following my rollercoaster I’ve been on for the last month, you’ll know about my female neighbor feeling my breasts, showing me hers, and asking if I wanted to touch them. At the time I declined and pretty much retreated back to my house terrified, shocked, and completely aroused.

Since then I’ve had a lot of time to think about it and discuss with my husband. We talked through many things, but mostly we talked about the feelings I had after that happened. You see, for the first 42 years of my life I’ve never had a single sexual thought about a woman. The thought has never even crossed my mind, I never thought it would. Because of the random chance encounter with my female neighbor, Brenda, that all changed.

The discussions with my husband centered around the fact that I got so turned on by those events and the fact that I wanted to go back out there and feel her breasts too. But that’s not all, I wanted to go back out there and kiss her, let her touch me more, and I wanted to touch her more. I found myself craving the touch of a woman, and desperately wanting to explore these possibilities with Brenda. I felt dirty sharing these thoughts, it felt wrong, and I didn’t know what he’d do or say. His response was complete love and support. He thought since I never got the chance to explore these opportunities in college, that I should pursue it now. He gave me the green light to pursue experimentation with Brenda, as far as I was comfortable going. And I want to go far, if not all the way.

With that, my next step was to talk to Brenda and figure out what she was thinking and what she wanted to pursue, if anything. Easier said than done, as I have no idea how to have that conversation. It took me 20 years to have a conversation with my husband about my sexual desires, so this was terrifying. I put it off and thought about scraping the idea entirely, but this week we had the talk I’ve been dreading.

I was getting ready to go to the grocery store and pulled my car out of the garage. She was out front of her house watering her plants and waved me down as I backed out of the driveway. I pulled up next to her and rolled down my window. Trying to be calm I said “hello, how are the plants?” So dumb, I know but I had no idea what to say. I haven’t talked to her since she felt my breasts, and part of me didn’t want to ever again, but here I was. She laughed at me and said “they’re doing great, but I think we need to talk”, and my heart sank.

She continued, “about the other morning of course. I’m so sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I don’t know what came over me. I’ve never done that before, just thought you’d be open to it since you were basically naked already. I think I misread the situation and I’m sorry.” That was not what I expected her to say and she completed diffused the situation, which led me straight into asking, “how were you reading the situation? Just out of curiosity.” She replied, “well you were already topless and being extremely friendly, I thought you might be hitting on me. I’ve never had that experience with a woman before, not really a thought about it to be honest so I panicked. Again, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

I was flabbergasted. She felt exactly how I felt, shocked, nervous, and caught off guard. She did not portray that in the moment, as she seemed so confident and in control. I asked her if she’s ever kissed a woman, she said no. I asked her if she’d ever thought of kissing a woman, she said not really. Not really? I asked what she meant. She said not until the other day with me. She said she’s never wanted to kiss or be with a woman, but that moment caught her off guard. Then she asked me the question I was hoping she would and wouldn’t ever ask me at the same time.

“Do you want to kiss me?” I stared at her with a blank look on my face as I blushed. I finally smiled and said, “well… I didn’t. But I do now. Is that bad? I’m so sorry if I’m making this uncomfortable. I think you’re very pretty and the other morning when you touched me, it ignited something in me. I’ve been thinking about what that might be or mean.” She replied, “I know exactly how you feel. I feel the exact same way. I can’t describe it, but I have been dying to kiss you too. But I think I want more of you than just that. I’ve never been with a woman, but I want to try it with you.”

I replied, “I have never been with anyone other than my husband, man or woman. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I would love to start with a kiss and see what happens. I’m open to more, just want to figure it out as we go. I don’t want to put any limitations on it, but want to just see what feels right.” She nodded in agreement and said “ I completely agree. When do you want to do this? My husband is going on a work trip and will be gone all next week. Maybe come over for drinks and we can sit in the hot tub and chat, see where it goes?” I replied, “that would be great, a few drinks will help me relax and let my walls down. Sounds like a plan.”

I proceeded to give her my number and I got hers as well. We ended with saying we’ll be in touch over the weekend and figure out a night it will work. We chatted a bit more and then I drove off to get my groceries. Shocked, but completely excited and nervous to see if I’ll be able to actually do anything.

Now, will I do anything? I like to think so, but I could also see myself stopping it. It’s so taboo and so wrong and so dirty, but it’s something I want to try. At least once. We’ll see.