I'm a 43 year old gay dude (so ancient by gay standards, but I prefer dudes older than 35 so fuck them kids lol). I have no kinks. I've tried. The closest I got was watersports, but if you've ever had a "saw it in porn and it turned me on; tried it and noped the fuck outta that" moment, that was mine. All well and good, right?

Well, enter online dating. The [cr]apps, websites, etc. Dudes putting every kink in the book out there. I'm sex positive, so I'm proud that people feel empowered to live their best lives. Problem is, it seems it's every fucking profile. Specifically:

• dudes into women's clothes

• dudes who want to be submissive/sissies

• dudes who are dom

• dudes looking for femboys/trans people

• dudes wanting to be whipped/spanked/roughed up

• dudes in open (or "open") relationships

Like...none of that fits me. I am a masculine guy. I want masculine, unshaved, laid back dudes. Dudes I can go to bed with and not expect a laundry list of toys or kinks that I'm nowhere near into. Dudes who aren't afraid to call a guy back for a second date/run. Dudes who like to kiss and feel connected, even if briefly. And as much of a trans ally as I am, I need a cis dude.

I guess I'm the weird one who wants some strings and an equally vanilla dude. In a world where everyone is letting their freak flags fly (again, 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 for us finally getting there, even if some folks still wanna shame people), I feel like my flag is this blank sheet of paper amongst a sea of vivid colors and shapes.