I know that in my heart I want a real relationship like I have seen my peers have

I know that in my brain, I couldn’t handle one because I’m still working through behavioral issues such has repressed anger etc that I have mostly due to an unstable childhood and ptsd from being raped by a friend in high school

About 8-10 times or so in my life I’ve initiated a FWB or one night stand situation with guys that i find appealing and then I will sulk and wallow in my own pity and find myself ruminating in thoughts like “why don’t they wanna date me?!” “Why don’t they text me back?” And landing on the decision that I must be hot but have a terrible personality. Then I have to remind myself that I’m the one that agreed to or even initiated a casual connection.

I recognize this as self sabotage and a self fulfilling prophecy but I don’t really know how to stop??