this isn’t a suicide note. i don’t know what to do anymore and i am going to kill myself. i don’t know when, i’ve gotten close to doing it a few times but each time i can’t get myself to, something always keeps me from doing it. but i hate my fucking life. i always stay because i don’t think it can get any worse but it gets so much fucking worse. im posting this because i have absolutely nobody to talk to, i only have a few good friends who live across the country from me who i rarely ever talk to but they are the only people i actually care about and i’m not even sure if they care that much about me anymore. i love my family but i can’t stand them, they annoy me so much i wish i could just get away and they’d forget about me. whenever i try to talk about my problems to them they always flip it and make it seem like my problems don’t matter and that then they take it as an opportunity to talk about themselves. nobody in my life takes me seriously, they always say something about the clothes i wear, how i express myself, or what i say.

i barely interact with anybody throughout the day because my family moved a couple years ago and i live in rural florida and i have absolutely nowhere to go, i do online school because the school i went to made me switch to online school because i didn’t fit their high standards, and i can’t drive. my life is going absolutely nowhere, i have no motivation to do anything, even the things i used to like, i can’t keep a job, and i’m so far behind in school i don’t even know if i can pass anymore. everybody thinks i’m just a lazy teen rebel that doesn’t care about anyone but myself.

everyday is just so lonely and depressing. i feel so empty and miserable and i have absolutely no desire to do anything. most days i can barely get myself to get up. i feel like an idiot even posting this and there is so much i haven’t explained, and honestly just don’t feel like getting into. i don’t want to get therapy because i dont want to live any longer, im just going to kill myself anyway.