I am in my 30s. I am "white". I am male. I am straight.

I was at an over-priced art school where this combination instantly makes you the villain. I was berated by teachers -- a black female speech teacher routinely failed me, but gave younger females the chance to redo their work, no questions asked & cut me off during my speech for going too long, but allowed the black male student who harassed me one class about my new haircut, even ripping my hat off my head during class, to speak for almost 30 minutes during a 10-15-minute speech; a white female lesbian computer teacher routinely failed me, but gave the white Russian male homosexual student perfect grades, when we both turned in the same work.

Students didn't treat me any better. I was in a poetry class where there were 3 white males, we sat together because we shared similar interests and began chatting during our breaks as the only students openly smoking cigarettes on break. A gay Palestinian male student would routinely show up late and scream, "Fuck white men!" in our direction, while being cheered by the rest of the class -- mixed of various backgrounds, genders, and orientations.

I was called fat and belittled by the head of the film/tv department, while working on a class shoot for a kid who I thought was a friend. I was routinely the first one there and the last one gone of the below-the-line crew. I was the only one in the camera department to show up for load-in, the only one that stayed for load-out, and the person that drove the truck full of gear back to the school. I was asked not to return because, I "gave off weird energy between takes", among other bizarre reasons. Totalling 5, I only remember 2 others, as the other 2 were explained to be mistakes. They were:

I yelled. Well, it was easier to yell down to the kid that ran upstairs with the apple boxes 8 people bitched about needing on our last night filming, while non-essential crew packed things up. Instead of fidgeting with a broken walkie and shit-eating ear piece, I stepped out of the room, after the one person to finally speak up about the apple boxes said something, after the kid ran back downstairs while getting told he was in the way by 5 different people. I yelled to him, "Aye man! Found it! Need those!" or something similar.

I was short with people. A girl that showed up out of nowhere that I had never seen the whole weekend started opening camera cases, after they were packed up. I looked over, snapping, "Hey! What are you doing! Stop that!" She barked back, "I kNoW wHaT i'M dOiNg! I wOrK wItH cAmErAs," like a jackass. Yes, I did the meme text because her aggressive nature baffled me. Anyone on a proper film shoot that I've dealt with will tell you "Not your department, not your problem," and "You don't fuck with another department's equipment, that's taking work away from that union," and similar, better-worded things. Most of all, Camera moves their own gear. No one touches it, not least of all some rando, who I found out showed up stupid late to set.

I do all I can to help others, when I have the power to do so. I do all I can to be as amicable as possible.

I have been cursed out twice on student film shoots by people that didn't know what they were doing. One was by a kid that asked me to do a bunch of special FX shit that I had never done before. So, as I sat mentally picturing how to accomplish what was asked of me, right after I was asked, I was cursed out and told, "Get the fuck up, move your fucking ass. Stop playing on your fucking phone."

I found a last-minute location to film, after the pre-production team demanded we film where we weren't supposed to -- the building's security guard gave us a speaking to, before the police showed up. Yet, I was blamed for the 5-hour delay in filming, not the production team that was not properly prepared. There was a lull in work, so I pulled the producer who had the biggest problem with me aside and explained, "I know everyone is tense, but you don't have to yell at me. Just pull me aside and we'll figure it out. Chill out, man, this is supposed to be fun." That kid called a production meeting and regurgitated my words back to me, in front of everyone. The camera broke the next day, I fixed it. After fixing it I was told, "We are going to relieve you of your duties. You can stick around, if you want, and we'll find something for you to do." I left and saw VENOM in a theater, by myself. It was honestly the perfect mind-numbing thing to do, to get away from all of this.

Time and time again, in the last 4 years at this art school, I have made friends and lost them.

When I explain this to people, they snap at me and tell me I'm the issue. They get big-headed and talk down to me, "It's no wonder no one wants to work with you!"

I can't keep anyone's attention. I have been lied to, disrespected, and made to look fucking stupid in front of large groups of people.

I cannot stress this enough, and I cannot properly defend myself over it, but I am not the problem.

I keep dealing with people that just suck, man. I'm doing the best I can, but every time I think a new leaf has turned over, I am slapped in the face and left to be alone, again. It was bad enough before lockdown, it has gotten unbearable during lockdown.

I don't give a fuck what your race, your gender, your creed, your orientation are... You cool? You gonna be a polite person? You have something interesting to add to conversation? Fuck yeah, come on in and join the party.

I am thankful for my cats and my dog.

I am appalled that I am so instantly written off, but I have accepted it.

This is probably my last post on Reddit. I'm utterly beside myself. There is next to no way to prove I'm being honest, save that I know it. I'm going to focus on my art and making something of myself, but hot fucking sandwich! I'm tired of being so alone.

Go Team Venture. ✌🏻