So about a year ago I realized I had a Clown fetish and about 2 months ago i realized i was into littlespace(nonsexual) and up to this point I dont even want to call my attraction to clowns a fetish because I find myself wanting to explore it in a nonsexual way similar to my littlespace.

Most of my fantasies being with a clown involve me being comforted by him because I'm sad and eventually we start playing with eachother(us rubbing noses, him making balloons, just being goofy ig) and I feel better. And the only time I fantasise about it is when I feel sad in real life. In real life I have a fear of abandonment by my family and I'm constantly feeling lonely wishing I had someone to talk to about everything and basically understands me. Clowns make me feel less alone and more understood for some reason. The bright colors and the goofiness also makes me feel safe. With that being said I find myself being attractive to guys the are funny and goofy in nature as well. But in basically all the cases I tried to shoot my shot they already had a type(which is pretty girls with makeup) or already had a girlfriend. It made me want to give up on love entirely because I've never been approached before or asked out on a date. So to ease my (I believe depression but have only been diagnosed with anxiety disorder) I fantasize about having a clown bf which is probably weird

If you dont know what littlespace is I can explain further in the comments if you want or I can make another post on that maybe