Alright, so, to preface things first, I’m only 21, and she’s 47, so obviously she’s seen a whole lot more then I have. I consider myself fairly neutral on many points; I empathize many situations, in the sense that I can sympathize with the people caught up in the event or movement. My mother who is extremely, EXTREMELY, Right wing, is essentially a closet racist despite being married to a black man. I, who tried to have a civil discussion with her tonight, attempted to have her understand the plight and situation as to why the “Blacks” (as she has so aptly taken to calling them) don’t stop commuting these violent acts committed as she sees them so often on her precious Facebook and Fox News. This discussion turned into her blatantly saying that they, and myself, are a lost cause of change who should be left alone and would be better off dying. I’m quite used to these words coming from her, but I just needed to vent some of this.

Edit: To clarify my comment on how she is Far Right and racist; myself, my brothers, as well as my own father all agree that she is a closet racist and alt-right, as well as her family, who all thought my father, who is black, would amount to nothing. She credits herself to being the reason as to why he has succeeded and that his entire family (who are all black) are a bunch of “losers, dead beat thugs who are going to die in the streets.” She has admitted that if she were to divorce my father, she would disown my brother, who looks more like my father then both my older brother and I, as we both resemble her then our father; to clarify further, we both look Asian and white rather then black. When discussing topics regarding anything regarding the black populace, she always regards them as “borderline Neanderthals who can’t seem to evolve with the rest of the human race; the only thing they seem to know is how to pick up a gun, or a ball.” When speaking to my father, she speaks to him in a derogatory way, almost as though he is less then she is. I have spent the past 21 years of my existence witnessing many transgressions occur between them; all of them having my mother as the aggressor. She refuses to admit when she is wrong, instead lashing out. Examples of this; using previous suicide attempts against my father as excuses to tell him he’s a horrible person, using the fact that my fathers mother hasn’t seen him in twenty years makes him a horrible son (despite being the one to prevent any intersection between the two), telling my brother that if he doesn’t get his act together that she will personally see him discharged from the military, using my previous history of depression to guilt trip me back into College (when I was on a medical leave to solve afore mentioned problem), and many other situations that have left my opinion on my mother in a less then decent light. I love my mother, and I am not trying to use this as a way to paint her as a horrible person, but I won’t lightly make these accusations. My father hasn’t seen my grandmother since the day I was born. He’s nearly 50. My mother hates my grandmother simply because she associates herself with BLM. My father had a planned vacation to visit his mom this past May. My mother cancelled that. She refused to get the vaccine because she thought that “the government would use her as a guinea pig.” She tried to have me and my brother attend the capitol riots as she was outraged with the election results. I’ve been dealing with this since the outbreak of COVID. I’ve gotten tired of it, tried to broaden her perspective. Instead, I got verbally battered, and felt like venting. When I thought more on it, I wanted to further clarify what I stated before. I’m fairly neutral. But when it comes to speaking to her, I do lose my cool. I don’t enjoy discussing these things with her simply for the matter that it would be similar to that of speaking to a brick wall. She says that the “blacks refuse to change, they’re the result of victimhood and should just get over everything that’s happened to them.” I simply suggested to see it from their perspective. A few quick words later, she simply states that those N****s are just as much of a lost cause as you.” She’s a fairly decent person; but I never accuse anyone of being racist outright. I know my mother’s family has never had a good view of my father simply for his skin color for a fairly long time now; the only reason my mother married him in the first place was because of she and him having my older brother, as well as his job possibilities leading to a better lifestyle. Not because of love; my own father told me he knew my mother didn’t love him, when I was 13. So to clarify, my mother isn’t a saint; far from it. She believes the election was a hoax, she thinks black people are Neanderthals, she doesn’t love my father, would abandon my brother if she divorced my father, lashes out at people if they point out that she’s wrong about something, and just doesn’t have any restraint when it comes to a discussion. I still love both my father and mother; but I know what I’m talking about when I say that she is a racist, as well as a far right individual. If further clarification is needed, I’ll give it. I’ve still got plenty to give.

Tl;dr I tried to have my mother empathize with the black culture and she used it as a means to say it and me were both lost causes.