It's December 2020 and I'm tired.

I'm tired of Covid , I'm tired of the fear I have to touch or hug my mom or grandmother out of fear I might be stalked by a virus I'm unaware of and could inflict it upon them .

I'm tired of fearing every cough , sneeze, and sniffle during a time of year I have had them my entire life.

I'm tired of the fact that eve if I have COVID it looks like every testing facility near me is booked for more than 3 days

I'm tired of the fear I have that today is the day I wake up and my boss gives me the call that I'm being laid off and my company no longer needs my duties .

I'm tired of all the drinking and edible eating and tv watching I have to do to forget how shitty this year has been and crossing my damn fingers that there is some hope for a better year next year.... but a goal post that seems to be continuously moving .

Life will be better after Biden wins the election... After democrats hopefully win the senate... . After 2020 is over, After we get the Vaccine ...We keep moving te goal line further out and I wonder am I crazy to hope ?

I'm just tired of the fear and isolation as a whole I'm tired of the anxiety I get when I walk out the door and realize I forgot my mask ... that was a close call .

I'm tired of millionaires and billionaires telling the rest of us we need to hope harder and and not give up ... as I read another story about them getting airlifted to some private floor of a top hospital in the country .

I'm tired of al the broken relationships I've had whether it was over differences in human rights opinions, political opinions, or just opinions on who can or can't legally commit murder.

I bought a gun because I thought it would make it easier to sleep at night but now I fear the moment I actually feel the need to use it .

Fucking 2020 I am so tired , we have al these leaders who all seem so passive as I read another friend lost their job, or another family member got sick, or a family friend died .

How much suffering is the average person expected to experience before they crack? How much do we have to beg for help while the richest of us bicker about the money they owe us for the economy that WE the working people built ?

I am so tired of fucking 2020 and what feels like a helpless struggle to fight another day to live in fear and plead that someone with the position and authority cares about the rest of us .