I’m sure there are many many many people like me out there, and this isn’t even news or particularly interesting. There isn’t anyone I’d want to talk to about this, but I want to put it down somewhere.

I’m so unhappy. We can talk about perspective all day long (could life be worse? Absofuckinglutely), but I am unfulfilled. I’m underwhelmed, I’m chronically disappointed, and I’m lonely. I wish it would all go away. Counseling has been a joke. I wish I was brave enough to end it myself, but I’m just not. Everyone has always said things will get better, but that’s a lie. This is a horrible world that I don’t fit into. I wish I would die. It’s not even a pity part in my head. Sympathy would do nothing for me, and isn’t something I’m after or glorify. I’m just over all of this, and I don’t want to play anymore. Yet I’m forced to. I will never just be happy in the shoes I’m wearing, and I don’t see a real path to happiness that doesn’t include unrealistic levels good luck. I fantasize about suicide daily. But that’s just my day to day life. Hope yours is better.