I don't hate my mother nor do I love her. Indifference seems to fit.

I have a huge crush on my co-worker. To the extent that if he EVER displayed the same, I'd likely fall into his arms and dare not leave.

I think about my dog dying everyday. On one had, I fully accept it. On the other, I feel I may not make it without her.

I've always wanted kids. And I'm scared to admit....I may not anymore. This makes me immensely sad. Why? Because I've dreamt of kids my ENTIRE life. And have been very persnickety about bonds as to not produce ill-timed offspring. But now I'm 36 and more successful than I ever imagined...the thought of having kids scares me (lack of freedom, responsibility, etc.). But what if I regret not doing so after desiring so for so long. That damn reproductive window!

I'd prefer a partner of my own race. But the men I've dated outside of my race treat me LOADS better by every measure.

I'm a medical professional who believes every life is precious but have come to realize not everyone wants to live. And that's facts. Even if hard to conceptualize. Where one thing exists so does its opposite.

I am a hopeless romantic who would love nothing more than to pour my care, attention, affection, and concern into another. But I EQUALLY desire the option to tap out of that when I choose.

Since losing weight (37lbs). I literally want to strut around naked. I am a curvy size 4/5 and I have never felt more beautiful. Because of the fallen weight, yes. But also because I feel more like myself. That weight was the byproduct of being a workaholic. But trust....I can still pack away a med pizza when I catch the feeling. :)

New to reddit (this week) and not sure what to expect (my 1st public posting ever) but....there it is.

Light and love.