[Long Post Ahead. Be Prepared.]

So for context, my friend (K, 21 and is a woman) met this couple (P, 29 and is a woman. D, 37 and is a man.) a little while back and things began to move REALLY fast for them. They became a poly triad (which was fine), then very soon after that they all moved in together and went on vacations together (K's parents kicked her out and she had no where to go.) P and D have children together (4 of them), so K helps take care of them too.

About 4 months into the relationship, they all get engaged to each other. K asks me to be one of her bridesmaid. Of course, me wanting to be a good friend and being happy for her I said "Yes of course!"

Here's where the regret comes in:

• I met her friends at a christmas party, aaaaand I personally do not like most of them. Of course most of my reasons are rather petty so it isn't something that couldn't be dealt with. There's not much more to it than that, really. They're just vastly different from me, and I can't really relate to most of them.
• The "brides" were VERY insistent that all the bridesmaids get their dresses in December 2018 or January 2019 (The wedding wasn't until October 2019, but we'll get into that here in a minute.) So that should have been red flag #1 (or #2 tbh)
• The "triad" tend to be very...spontaneous, to put it nicely. To put it bluntly, they have a bad habit of moving too fast and not knowing where they're going. They don't seem to think things through and be considerate of others.

One example: Their engagement party is at a nice, busy restaurant in a big city near where I live. The "triad" decided to bring all 4 of their kids to the party, and P was asking if the others were gonna bring their kids too (at least one other is). I didn't know this before I agreed to go, and it was just mentioned the other day (a few days before the party). If I had known that, I wouldn't have agreed. I'm not going to an engagement party to babysit other people's kids. The fact that is a busy, crowded place was bad enough. That was already gonna be a lot for me to handle, but I was willing to suck it up for my friend. With the kids being there, it'll be even worse and that's where I draw the line.

Another example, P and D were late for K's birthday party. I'll try and keep this one short. Essentially, the party was supposed to start at 6 and they were gonna show up at 4:30 to set everything up. I get there about 5 and they're no where to be seen. The guy (M) that owns the venue was walking out to leave when I stopped him and asked him what was going on (No one told me anything about being late.) I had to call K and ask her what was going on b/c she was out with some friends while her "partners" were supposed to be setting things up. She didn't know anything. M didn't know anything, no one called saying they'd be late. I sit with M for a little bit waiting for them to show up. I apologize on P and D's behalf (even though I had no reason to in retrospect). P and D FINALLY GET THERE and I help them set up. The excuse was something happened at the hotel that kept them from checking in on time or something. I don't know, but that still leaves a bad taste in my mouth

My last example (and here's the kicker), they've decided to push back the wedding to Fall 2020 due to financial issues, and their kids needing therapy. But they're still gonna have some kind of small, eloping ceremony this year. So the "brides" were so pushy about us all getting our dresses in the beginning, and now they've decided to push back the date over things that they should have thought about to begin with.

• This is more of a personal gripe, but it's one of those things that is a dealbreaker for me. Keep in mind that P and D have four children. Turns out P is anti-vax. Now I'm normally pretty chill with other people having differing opinions politically, religiously, etc. As long as you're a good person, I don't give a fuck what you are. However, this is one of those rare things I have a hard stance on. No offense if you're anti-vax, but this is one of things I cannot get behind. I realize it's their children, and they're doing what they think is best. But this is something that really boils my blood. This is just something that gives me even more reason to not support this whole relationship.

Anyways, I just needed to get this whole thing off my chest. It's just been on my mind lately, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm hoping that I won't have to say anything at all and things might fizzle out (as bad as that sounds). But if it doesn't, I'm afraid of having to actually tell them I need out. How I really feel about it. I guess that's cowardly of me. I'm just afraid of confrontation. Thanks for letting me share.

tl;dr I agreed to be a part of my friend's polyamorous "wedding". Some stuff has started to come up that I'm not okay with, and now I want out.