Where do I start?! We all grew up in a small town where we went to school together. My wife Jessica is 2 years older than me and her sister Nadia is a year younger.

I never even paid any attention to Nadia then.

I had a string of girlfriends between school and finally dating my wife Jessica.

I moved to a different town after my wife, still my girlfriend at the time, gave birth to my son. I was a mess back then. Drugged out alcoholic battling my demons from my childhood. I needed to get out. Not away from her but just away from everything. I needed space to find myself again. I don't think I could've been a parent then.

That's when it happend. Her younger sister Nadia moved to the same city about a year later. We met up only a few times over the space of 2 years. Every moment was magical. That is all... We knew we couldn't take it any further than a platonic friendship, even though there was nothing more I wanted, the repercussions would be enormous especially since a child was involved. I never said anything about it to her but I could see it in her eyes too.

I moved back to my home town where Jessica and I found mutual ground and started a family. I love my wife. She's my rock. She was the only one that was there for me at my lowest of lows when everyone turned their bacjs on me. She waited for me for 6 years. I would never even consider leaving her.

It's been about 10 years since I moved back. Nadias gotten married since and I hadn't seen her in 8 years until last year. She doesn't know but Ive been in this cycle of melancholy and heartbreak coz there's no me and her and might never will.

My own sister once saw how we were around each other even when she was with her partner and me my wife and knew exactly how we felt about each other. She asked me about it later...I told my sister she was wrong..

Super duper selfish of me but somehow this place where I'm madly deeply in love with Nadia still, whether or not those feelings were ever even remotely reciprocated, is the perfect balance of depression and heartbreak that wierdly keeps me trudging on. I find happiness and gratitude in alot of things in my life but this one-sided blind actual love I spill for her is still magic for me like I only just came to the realization and as much as i want to/need to let it all go, I can't.