I wasn't sad when she died a few years but now I'm realizing that she was the only one I liked of the family, and I fucking despise all the other ones still living and it was just a cope. It's all hitting me at once. She was an angel and I fucking miss her, she was so sweet and I loved her and I wish I visited her more and now she gone and I'm fucking angry and I'm pissed and I'm sad. I used to kind of look down on her for doing some silly things and shit I thought was stupid and now I know I'm a Fucking asshole for ever thinking that and I just didn't want to admit to myself that I actually just really admired her. I've become a lot like her and I wish she could see me now and I'm just fucking sad dude. I'm just realizing how much I actually liked her and really loved her and how little I told her. I wasn't withholding, but I'm now profoundly regretful of not telling her or realizing how much she meant to me before she was gone. I'm just now noticing her being gone several years later and it's hurting.