se of the past 6 years you could say ive been battling a lot of mental issues. i dont know exactly what is wrong with me but i know there is something, it does not always last it comes and goes everything that happens to me feels so intense and feels like its life or death, if i feel unloved or unwanted everything certainly feels worthless. when im feeling very down or someone i love is upset with me to the point i think theyre better off without me, i often idolize the idea of just fading away becoming nothing. i dont want to die but i dont exactly want to live either. i wish i could skip forward through all the bad times, or just go back to the good times. since i was 12, ive always felt like ill never be happy. i dont know what it is no matter what i always become unhappy. even with a loving partner that i love to death, i will become unhappy. then i just ruin it all and leave. this was a confession, i claim to be okay i claim to everyone that i could never be happier and theres times where that’s true some days i am but a lot of days, i am not. and i know i am the only one making it so difficult for myself. its not anyone else. its me. and i feel worthless for it. why cant i confess to the people it matters to about my mental health? i feel like then, if that does happen, then i would be less than human. my family and partner would blame themselves i know its not their fault but they dont. maybe i am worthless i know im certainly not a good person ive made terrible, awful, mistakes some would despise me and want to see me hang for those mistakes, and i wouldnt blame them. im stuck at crossroads of living or not existing and i dont know which road to take.