I always feel like i need to be better. Physically i feel so slow and weak compared to what i was a couple of years ago. I think I’m doing well everywhere else, but then I still only think ahead and feel I need to be better.

I look in the mirror and tell myself, ”You are weak physically and mentally. You must be better.” This doesn’t make me feel any less of a person but makes me feel like it’s crucial I improve because what am I if I’m too weak to protect myself or those I care about? What am I if I don’t have the mental fortitude to continue or overcome a challenge? At that point I’m truly a failure and I cannot allow that.

I have a bad habit of never acknowledging progress. Even at work I feel like I need to advance or start looking towards credentials for further down the line even though it’s a great job and I’m not even a yr into it. I hate not having a way to move forward though and at times i irrationally feel as though I’m behind where I need to be.

I’m typically very calm and collected but the first time I felt like everything around me was falling apart around me I was in a position where there was no safety net and I underperformed. It wasn’t as serious as it felt but I pretty much had a mental breakdown.

I feel like I’ve been stagnant everywhere and need to improve myself. But in reality it’s only partially true and I need to learn to celebrate the little things, and acknowledge all progress.

Regardless of anything though, I can never shake this feeling. I need to do better and in the great words of Obi-Wan: I will do what I must.

Sorry for the rant.