Hello. I'm a white guy in my late 20s. I'm gay and recently came out a couple of years ago and everybody now knows I'm gay. I'm a little lonely and lately I realised I've more lonely than ever. I'm doing therapy once a week so hopefully that will help.

This is my confession and it's about time I get it off my chest. I've always been into being dominated and controlled since the young age. I don't know why. When I was 12/13 I met this old man online and he made me get naked on camera and made me call him "daddy". Since then I been into being controlled by older men. I kept this side of me hidden for years and met many older men throughout the years who wanted to basically own me. Recent years I had like 2-3 masters and I think I'm addicted. More recently I went down a rabbit hole and met this master online, mainly on discord. He lives far from me and I gave him a fake name, address and phone number. He lives in a different country so he couldn't call the number to test if it's real or not. He used to make me buy him gift cards and what not as a "phone call" as a reward. And he always stated that I can never run away as he is like a "drug" to me. He was right.

I always deleted my Discord account and made new ones and try to find him or any other similar masters in the server. I've even met a new master on Grindr and he scared me the most. He was so hypnotic and the fact he was a therapist he knew how to speak to me and become friendly with me to manipulate me. He wanted to change my name, religion and identity as a different race to who I am, I agreed as it did turn me on. To me this was just fantasy and always has been. I never truly wanted to be controlled, just the idea of it.

But this master from Grindr took it to the extreme levels. He wanted to have keys to my home (and he didn't care that I still lived with family) and take over my home, and have access to my social media accounts. I agreed at the time but I didn't truly plan on giving him that information, just at the moment I enjoyed hearing him speak about dominating me.

I don't want to name and shame him or any of these other men, the men from my teen years I would 100% expose them as they are dirty pedophiles but I have no clue on what their names are or where they based or the fact they could be dead since they were like 50-60 when they spoke to me online.

But the more recent ones, I don't want to as it feels dangerous as you don't know what they are capable off. I don't want to risk my life or anyone close to me. I need to get out of this addiction of being controlled and live a normal life with a boyfriend who will treat me equally and lovingly.

I didnt have the perfect upbringing as my mom and dad are split up, and as a child watching my mom get hurt and beaten up on the daily, and on a old account I did post on r/letsnotmeet under a year ago about a recent event that happened that nearly destroyed me. These events traumatised me, and maybe their the reason I enjoy being dominated and controlled.

I need help to move on from these people and have a nice happy life. Please comment or DM me with advice. Thank you all.