For the past month, I’ve been hooking up with this guy, and it turns out he’s had a girlfriend the whole time.

I didn’t even find out until, like, two weeks in when he randomly admitted it while we were drinking. She was out of town visiting her family, and at first, I felt kinda bad… but not bad enough to stop seeing him. We kept hanging out like nothing changed.

Honestly, I was catching feelings before he told me, but after finding out, I tried to shut them down. Even then, we hooked up so many times.. probably over 30 this past month. One night, he let it slip that I wasn’t the only one. Apparently, he’d been with 40 other girls while she was gone, and I was just supposed to be another fling. But then he started saying stuff like, “I wish I met you first,” which just made it all worse.

Now she’s back, and I know I won’t see him anymore. I saw her post pictures of some date they went on, showing off the flowers he gave her. I don’t even feel guilty.. it’s not about that. I feel.. mad. Mad that he’s out here acting like the perfect boyfriend while she has no clue what he’s done. Mad that he didn’t choose me, even though I know I wouldn’t want him as my boyfriend anyway.

I guess I just needed to get this out somewhere because I can’t tell anyone IRL..