I haven’t confronted her at all. Instead I started fishing for information.

I managed to start a conversation about past sexual experiences and worked cheating into there. I said how I really loved her so much for being so perfect and caring towards me with strong eye contact. There was a waver of something in her eyes when she heard that.

I’ve been feeling love and disconnection all at once. Just enjoying this while I’m still present, but at the same time I’ve become way more observant. I baited several conversations regarding honesty and how we’re so open with each other about literally everything. Her response fit it perfectly and highlighted how that’s her favorite quality in our relationship.

I honestly truly would like to work through this but first I’m going to see if i can learn more about this while assessing how far she’s willing to go in keeping this from me.

I know this isn’t much of a juicy update but i can’t bring myself to burn this bridge. I guess the first stage really is denial. Knowing more will probably hurt more but I feel like i need to know. I don’t wanna get a “it was a one time thing” or “recent experience” excuse when their texting banter and habits reflect a history between them. A lot of familiarity. I keep looking at them and feeling my heart racing.

Now that I have the screenshots i was able to compare them to her texting me or being with me. She always responded to me first but in this short message thread he was immediately next in the text list. One minute later, 2 mins. She’s even texting him while i was asleep and on the day our parents met each other, supposedly an important moment in our relationship.

When with me for days she apologized for not responding due to being with family, so it seems I’m unknown here. I will not contact him, i see no viable means of getting anything useful from him. The very first message available is her saying her car will be back in order so he’s gonna be seeing her soon. He essentially missed her. It seems like he only gives her head but we all know how it goes if head is great, and for her to return and reach out first with that in mind? He’s decent, which means they likely had full on sex.

He mentions still working the night shift, so she’d need to go to him in the morning or afternoon, and with her schedule that would mean a weekend or day off and an excuse i know she’d use for me. At one point they made loose plans to meet last week Sunday where she simply said “cool i’ll let you know when I’m on my way,” implying she knows exactly where he lives, but i was with her all weekend so she never responded until days later.

This makes me think of a time she took 40 minutes to get home from her moms house but it’s a 15 minute drive and she’s a speed demon. After she said she just got home, I had asked her how the drive was and mentioned how i heard there was a ton of traffic in her area, which was a lie to test her answer. She said there was none at all. Now things are falling into place.

I think I’m spiraling into this. Part of me wishes i never looked. I had a feeling I’d regret what i found but that same feeling is why i did it. The moments i forget are so nice. And then i remember and it just hurts.

I only post these to process my thoughts and feelings. I don’t seek advice, but it’s accepted.

Edit: there was never a plan to open my relationship. She was vehemently against it from the start