Hi I’m an 18 year old guy here. I’m currently in college for science and doing well. I am attending college under an academic scholarship because in high school I was a straight As student. Ending high school, I had a 4.0 GPA and was in the top 5% of my class. So, I’ve always worked hard at school and that still continues to this day. Due to this my family really thinks that I can make it big in the science field. I’ve been told my whole life that I’ll be successful as long as I keep my head on straight. However, junior year of HS I started experimenting with pills, after being prescribed Percocet for my wisdom teeth surgery. In a matter of weeks experimenting became wanting and maybe even needing. It was mental addiction, not physical luckily. It would be all I could think about, besides wanting to die. This combined with new mental health issues lead me down a dark path. At one point I tried to OD, two days before Christmas. It didn’t work thank god. After that, I decided to turn my life around and stopped using all substances, even weed. Going to the gym for two to three hours everyday was my new passion and I got super fit very quick. I think it was just a switch of addition to be honest. For almost a year I didn’t touch a drug stronger than weed, which I get medically now. But then I fell for this older woman (late 20s- early 30s). Everything was innocent until we hung out and she pulled out dope for us to do. I said no many times but she knew I wanted to deep down. We had never discussed this previously. So I did it, and it was pretty cool but nothing crazy. Almost 5 months later and here I am. I still see her even tho things have been somewhat toxic sometimes. But our relationship is filed with drugs, I hate it. Everything else about us is great. I truly do care and love her and we always have great conversations and great times when we are together. We talk on the phone a bunch. But she introduced me to speed/ice. Now that shit is amazing let me tell you. I have even done it then hung out with my family and gone in public. It doesn’t make me feel wired, just more talkative and at peace with life. But I want it all the time, keep in mind I don’t. I do it for a couple days in a row then not again for a week for two. Within the past month , I just got medicated for a new bipolar disorder. I can’t foresee going through life without getting mentally hooked to a substance, but I don’t have the willpower to say no and not experiment. Basically am I letting my life go to shit right now? Am I messing everything up or am I a normal college kid experimenting life? How far is too far?