All I want is revenge. It's all I think about all day everyday. Life has been hell and these demons have done quite a job in making sure so. I regret the fact that I was a good kid. Being a good kid had allowed me to be naive and to be a victim. I had a fear of pain and a fear of punishment. The whole time, I was already running from certain pain that was inflicted in my early years. I was brainwashed with the concept of turning the other cheek and leaving it in God's hands. Only to be an adult and still suffer the the post-traumatic symptoms of all of the assaults that I endured. Even when I was a grown adult, I have been attacked and there has been no justice served to my knowledge. All I think about is grabbing a weapon and harming everyone including myself. I took the nerdy and coward approach and have failed. So much for God handling your troubles as he can't even protect you from them. I don't think anything will ever bring me peace. I have no reason to smile and if I do it is a manic smile that indicates signs of insanity. I hate the body that I was born into and I do not believe that I could ever protect anyone when I can't even protect myself. No matter what happens the past has happened and it cannot be changed. My ego and the demons are telling me that this is a complete Injustice and that revenge is the best medicine possible. I guess that's is what can happen in the world like this, in a society where everyone has bosses and no one is truly safe. This is just something to read and this is not an actual threat or ideation of violence. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world that is in this particular thought. Wrong is wrong but if it feels right then anything can happen. May those bastards rot in misery if they are alive and if they are not well let h e double hockey stick serve as their domain.