I hate myself for the things I did as a kid. My mom fed me and spanked me for things I did but never taught me boundaries or consent or nor did my. Dad. I was heavily manipulated by prn and influenced by the kids around me in school. If I had the tools that was obviously should have been given to me and learnt them. I would never have done what I sadly did. As for my self punishment I will relive those moments daily for the rest of my life I will traumatize myself with them. I am a monster. Doesn't matter what I went through. Whoever tried to hurt me growing up should have finished me off. I feel like a demon in my skin. It's probably mental illness speaking but my skin doesn't feel like mine and I feel like im someone else. Being exposed to bad people and never taught anything about boundaries nor did school teacher. My parents failed me and the school. As the school failed alot of other people. My mom and I never had a close relationship at all everything feels off. I feel isolated. The devil or whoever down there is working good against me. I feel my life soon to end. No excuse what I have done. No excuse. I wished my cousin would have manipulated me further into dying.