okay, so this has been haunting me for, like, well over a decade now, and i feel like i just need to get it off my chest. when i was in middle school, there was this group of “cool kids” who would always talk in that stereotypical valley girl accent (“oh my god, like, literally stop, that is sooo funny”). and back then i was an angsty bitch who had a vendetta against the world and everyone in it just because i was 12.

so, being the super edgy kid i was, i started mocking them by using the same voice around my friends. but, like, instead of laughing at the joke, my friends just thought it was hilarious so naturally i kept doing it. like, all the time. to the point where it just became second nature. i guess my brain was like, “oh, this is who we are now. cool.”

and so now i’m 25 with i have a master’s degree, working in a professional setting. and i still sound like i stepped out of an early 2000s teen movie. tbh most of the time i don’t even notice it until someone points it out. usually by asking if i'm from california (which spoiler: i’ve never even been to california). and when they say that, i get soooooo self-conscious because this was never supposed to be my real voice! it was supposed to be a bit!!! like fuuuuck!!!!!

i think the worst part is when i try to stop talking like this, i literally can’t. like, i’ll hear myself trying to use a more “neutral” tone, and it just feels fake. this voice has quite literally taken over my life. for the most part it's harmless, but i know that people assume things about my intelligence (or lack thereof?) and so if i dwell on it for too long, i get upset. i also think it doesn't do me any favors in trying to be taken seriously.

sometimes i wonder if anyone else has noticed, or if they just assume this is, like, my natural personality. either way, i’m in too deep to explain it to anyone now. so yeah, this is my life. this is my voice. and its totally here to stay smh