I’m older guy, married, grown kids. I have a professional job, and most people think I’m an upstanding citizen.

But my marriage is completely stale, and i come on here every now and then and look for women to chat with. Strictly chat. I’ve never planned on meeting anyone in person. Just a diversion to blow off some steam.

Some of it’s been pretty hot, indulging some of my secret fantasies and having fun. But, as anyone who does this regularly knows, of course, these things burn hot and fast, and before you know it, she’s ghosted me or I’ve ghosted her. No real harm done. We’re all grownups here.

Lately, though, I met this woman on here I just can’t shake. She’s so fun and intelligent and kind and, dammit, hot. No, she’s not catfishing me. She’s not some incel living in his mom’s basement. She’s the absolute real deal.

I spend half my day thinking about this woman. I’ve taken to texting her when friends and family and, yes, my wife are right here. I’m increasingly fucking reckless and have - for the first time ever - entertained thoughts of arranging a visit with her.

In short, I’ve gone and caught feelings for her, and while it’s fun and exhilarating, it’s scary as hell.

I’m not looking for validation for what I’m doing. I know I’m cheating at least emotionally and that I’m a piece of shit for doing so. So if you’re going to comment to tell me that, we’re all full up here, so at least get creative.

I know how stupid this sounds. It’s a good sitcom or a bad Lifetime movie. I’m a fool. I was looking to get off, and now I’ve found out what all those magazine articles about having an “emotional affair” are about.

If I decide to pursue this in person - if she even wants that - I’d be blowing up everything. The scary part is that I think I’d do it if she asked me to.

Even scarier though is a second thing. What if - like in 98 percent of online affairs - she just disappears one day? The thought of her ghosting me is - well, it ain’t good.

I haven’t told this woman what I really for her. She’s hinted that she sees this a serious relationship and not just an online fling, but I don’t know if she’s as besotted as I am.

Plenty of people have been in this kind of situationship. There’s an Online Affairs subreddit for a reason. But can any of this be real? Is it just the dopamine hit? Am I losing my mind?

Thanks for reading. I hope you can spare a little sympathy for the devil.