Probably not.

Two years ago, when we met, I was way too honest with you too quickly. I guess it's as simple as I was excited to finally have someone to emotionally connect with. Besides my family, I hadn't had that since middle school.

I told you about my SA from childhood. I guess my dumb brain legitimately thought that was a good way to "make sure" I didn't go through that again. Then, within a few months, you SA'd me multiple times. And then gas lit me about it. Similar to the abuse I went through. That is when the splitting started.

My dumb brain said that if I yell at you, then that will fix you. Abuse for abuse. Fight fire with fire, I guess.

Then this summer.... I thought we were both getting our abuse and addiction under control. I really thought our love was enough.

Now, it feels like you were just keeping me around for sex. It feels like you were saying that's all I was good for. I guess you were getting your emotional needs met else where.

I finally was brave enough to ask my mom if I am a product of rape. She said maybe. Regardless, my father was definitely SA'ing her through coercieve sex - similar to how you were with me, similar to how my other two romantic partners SA'd me, and similar to how I was abused at nine years old.

Its gross, but... I wanted to be "special" - but I'm probably not. I thought you abusing me meant you would love me forever.... I am 30 years old. How childish and ignorant.

I understand my neurodivergence better now. Why I have such a hard time in this world. I am still getting my psychosis and addiction under control. But I am functioning - I set goals; I reach them. For the first time in my life.

Im glad you are in therapy and I hope you get the help you need.

Good luck, kid.