I'm 19M. I'm posting this as a way of venting since i cant talk about this to anyone I know in real life. the story starts late in the year when i was 9. I started to experience random bouts of vision loss randomly though out the day at random. After accouple months of living with this I finally told my mother who immediately told me to keep it a secret from my father (They were separated at the time). My mother tried to help me by taking me to several different doctors, I got brain scans different tests and all sorts of stuff i cant remember now. Sadly all of the tests were inconclusive. after around a year of trying my mother decided that it never was real and started to ignore me when i asked for help figuring out what was wrong with me. the episodes became less common as the years went on. My next problem started mid summer when i was 13 years old. I had never gotten to go to summer camp (my mother was scared of leaving me with strangers). So this was my first time getting to go to a camp and my mother decided to send me to 3 1 week long summer camps back to back. the 3rd day of the first camp I started to see a weird pixelated look to everything in my vision ( I am guessing that this is visual snow but i have never gotten a diagnosis). this effect made it hard for me to focus on anything for weeks because my vision was constantly changing. this affect has remained as a constant in my vision for the last 6 years never changing and never going away. however this was nothing compared to the night mare I was in for at the next camp. at the second camp I got to sleep on the top bunk, now i have to describe the set up of the room, there are 5 bunk beds in a bit of a G shape, i was on the top bunk of the bottom right of the G shape. I couldn't fall asleep for hours because of a ringing in my ears that was deafening out everything else in the world. I started to hear a faint voice coming from the far right of the room by the top of the G shape of beds when I looked over at the corner I saw a black outline of a person. I could now barely make out what the voice was saying, it was a woman's voice saying where is Michael? the voice was repeating this over and over again as i was staring at the outline. The figure slowly and i mean very slowly stood up and started to paise around the room back and forth walking no faster than a slow walking old man. After hours of listening to this voice and watching the figure walk around the room the sun started to rise and the figure and the voice disappeared in a instant, however the ringing remained as a constant noise in the background to this day. after this I started to see abstract shapes and figures regularly for 2 years. Finally after having a nervous break down i admitted to my sister who is a registered nurse everything that has been happening to me and how it had been waying on me causing me to think about killing my self since the first time i saw something that wasn't real. I believed that possibly loosing my mind was a far far worse fait than death. my sister took everything that i had said very seriously and helped me get appointment with all of the doctors that she could think of. my mother found out about all my problems because I forgot to tell my sister not to tell my mom about all of my problems. My mother freaked out at me for lying trying to get attention and for saying that everything that I "claimed to have problems with" were things that weren't physical problems so i couldn't be proved wrong. my sister continued to be my advocate and help me get the help i needed. Slowly doctor after doctor told me they couldn't help me and after a while I just gave up on finding away to stop my problems. Slowly after time i started to see things less often until I started going days without seeing something that wasn't real. then my grandfather went into he hospital after vomiting up blood and fecal matter. my grandfather was the one person who kept me from killing myself because I had to be there to help keep him from getting hurt. I was away from home when I got the call from my grandmother begging me to come over to her house and help with my grandfather. I was away from the house because my mother and I had a huge falling out earlier that night and my mother left me at my dads business after hours as a punishment for calling her a "Vindictive Bitch". now it should be noted i was there all alone with no way of getting home without my moms help. I called my mom and begged her to come and get me saying that i was sorry for everything that i had ever said, I cried and cried for my mom to bring me back to help save my grandpas life. My mother told me that if I wanted to help them I shouldnt have said what i said and then she hung up on me. In that moment I kind of lost it and punched a wall multiple times, I dont remember how many times but my hand was bleeding and it left me with pains in my hand and wrist that are still effecting me today. after leaving me in the dark for hours my mom finally came and took me home then refused to take me to the hospital for hours. in the hours of waiting at my dads business i had made some phone calls to my sisters telling them everything my mother had ever said to me in anger about how she had told me she wished i was never born how she wished she had miss carried me like she had so many other of her pregnancy's. I thought that my sisters would keep all the stuff i told them secret like they promised they would. but they snitched to my mother immediately. that day i started seeing things worse than ever before. i saw 27 things in a 4 hour span my mother finally took me to the hospital to see my grandpa before he passed. once i got into the car and we drove off my mother started yelling at me for being a ungrateful son of a bitch (She wasn't wrong about my mom being a Bitch lol) when we got to the hospital my mother belittled me for sobbing about my grandfather being about to die (Please note this is her father). after my grandfather died i started to see things multiple times a day again constantly. the ringing got louder to the point where i stopped being able to focus on anything. My nurse sister was the only person I could trust so i confided in her about all the things that i was seeing and how i had even seen my grandpa multiple times. my mother eventualy came to me pretending to be a loving concerned mom and told me about how me telling my sister about the stuff i was seeing was making her paranoid and how she had started to think i was dangerous and how i should be committed. fast forward to today i cant tell anyone about my problems and i am thinking about killing my self because i have started to not be able to tell when something is fake or not. Now please no one reading this be worried about me i will never kill myself because I'm to much of a coward. My doctors have given up on me and i have given up on being diagnosed .If you made it this far down thank you for reading this im sorry for the wall of text have a lovely day.

Edit. Hey I have a cat tho so life could be worse