Using an alt because I worry someone’s gonna use this post against me and make me feel like shit.

So sometimes I (23M) wish I was a girl, I mean, I like being a guy, I don’t think I’d ever want to transition or even fully commit to the idea of being a girl, but there’s always been that part of me for the past few years that would prefer to be kind of more… feminine? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I want to be cute and pretty.

I’ve cross dressed once for Halloween and honestly it wasn’t too bad, but it just didn’t feel like me.

I tend to write a lot, and most of my characters are girls because I feel like I can relate to them more, and write them better than I can a dude. I don’t sexualize them, I have them as perfectly regular people, and I absolutely love how I’ve made them. And I guess that’s kinda what I use as an outlet for some of my feelings, writing this character that honestly is a lot like me, but also everything I wish I could be. Like smart, haha. I don’t make them a Mary Sue, they’re definitely not perfect, but I feel like maybe in a way, they’re everything I want to be in more ways than just skills and personality traits. Hell, even that costume I mentioned earlier was of them.

It’s just something I feel very confused about. Maybe I’m just so invested in my character that it’s messed with my head, this all kinda happened around the same time I started writing for them.

Another thing is that before a few years ago, I played strictly male characters in video games and when I roleplayed I only roleplayed as men. Nowadays it’s all females. I don’t know if that’s even an important detail but it’s something I’ve done for a while now. I even play as strictly female avatars on VR Chat.

Again, I just don’t know what I want, or how I even feel, it’s just something that’s nice to get off my chest.