So over the last 10 years my wife has cheated in me multiple times, with multiple different me. Idk why I stay with her. Comfort maybe? Trauma bonded? I have no idea, but the first few years she did it it would break my heart, even had a suicide attempt at one point. About 2 years ago I finally said screw it and left her for a bit. I had the best time with a girl that was 10 years younger than me(she was 23), and she is absolutely gorgeous. Perfect body, beautiful features, just perfect. I found out my wife had sex with 2 other people in that time that I left her, I came back pissed off. For about a year I was upset and what not, then another year passed and we were doing very very well. My dumbass proposed at a family trip with all of her family. Things were going well for about a week and I got a sudden burst of anxiety thinking she was going to cheat again, I became very insecure and kept needing reassurance. So about 6 weeks after I proposed she went to a cancer walk with her cousin. I have ocd so I asked her plans and who was there, which I think I have the right to do, she said they were only going out with females, later I called her and she was drunk and a few of her sisters husbands guy friends were with them, so I said wtf. My young daughters were with her so I got oissed a little. I hung up with her, went home from work, slept all night because I was like whatever. She called me in the morning and said she really wanted to come home and didn’t feel well, I said no it’s fine just stay, so she did until the next day. She came home and for about 3 weeks she was accusing me of cheating and going through my phone, etc. I cheated on her 1 time 10 years ago. Admitted it immediately. We went to a concert and I got black out drunk, and we walked to the car and I said I think you cheated, I was completely in a daze when I asked but I remembered her saying “yup!” In a very condescending way, it stuck in my mind when I woke up the next day for a couple weeks until our vacation to Tennessee. The first night we got there, she fell asleep early, her phone was out, so I looked at her fb, I knew who was on her blocked list from all the other times I caught her, there was someone new, from the place she just came from at her sisters. Later when she woke up I asked to talk and I asked her about it. She admitted it. I was a bit upset but we had a week vacation and I worked my ass off for that, and we had a good time. We got home and I said I didn’t want to be with her and she begged and begged me to stay, so I did. She hasn’t cheated since, but when the dust settled, the last couple months I have been turned on by thinking about her cheating. I tell her to picture the guys she cheated on me with while I fuck her with her dildo. I’m not the biggest guy down there, so I bought her a toy that was bigger than me and I love to think about her cheating on me when I fuck get with it. I want to bring an actual guy in to smash her while I watch. Idk if it’s curiosity about how she was in bed with them, if I want closure, I have no idea. I’ve also been looking for females to fucj here and there because I just don’t care that much anymore. Am I that weird and are any other guys in my same position? 😂