I feel pathetic. I shouldn't have tried to get back together. I should have left it at that. It hurt too much. It felt as if I didn't know what to do without him. I convinced him to stay with me. He told me I'm too good for him and that he'll just hurt me . He loves me too much to see me with him. I don't know if that's bullshit but that's what he explained.

I told him if he really loves me . Why can't he give it another shot. He agreed. We sat down after that. He told me he loves me , how beautiful I am. Kissed me on my hands . I knew right then I made a mistake. I didn't believe him not for a second. I felt he can abandon me at any time.

I went home crying and got myself drunk. I feel heartbroken even though he still there. I feel like one minute he loved me more than anything next he abandoned me. I'm scared he'll just pull away again. Or that he doesn't even love me.