I know I sound like a dick. The biggest jerk of all time. Which I probably am. I said to him are you stuttering because you are scared? He is judo and boxing trained he can whoop me in a second. So he obviously isn't . I'm autistic as well. So yeah my dumb brain thought haha . Yes he'll know that this a joke and that I love every part of him. Clearly not. Fucking stupid .

He pokes fun of me for my autism and tics .hence why I thought this dynamic is fine .

Anyway I realized after I left his. He was being distant so I call him up and he tells me he dislikes me as a person but loves me. He probably won't break up with me but he is not sure .

So yeah..I'm probably going to kill myself . I don't know how to live with myself or how the fuck my dumb ass brain thought what I said was okay .