The days reach closer, & I thought time and a change of mind would help. But if I have to be honest my thoughts just keep deepening towards this direction. I’ve tried so hard to think and look at everything positive but the more I dwell on why I feel how I do the more I see I just endured so much unfair circumstances. & again it eats at me because people were dealt way worse lives then me, I feel guilty. To instead trade places with someone who lost their lives too soon I’d wish I could do and would much rather in a heart beat. I’m not ungrateful for the life I live, I’ve just walked the hottest roads thru hell. I try to continue, I put on a front day to day just to get other people thru their own misery’s. I hate the energy I radiate people tend to gravitate towards me. Knowing I’m going to ultimately give up soon, creating new bonds often takes a tole on my conscious. I feel guilty. The more I’m certain I’m ready to go the more I feel I see underneath the insensitivity this world holds so much potential. The world is filled with so many beautiful stories and so many different views of life. To me it’s sad that not enough people get the chance to tell their story, whilst regular lives of other people are publicly and very often glorified. We live in a day and age where the most valuable form of currency is attention. I have no room to speak and am guilty of being misguided by what’s really important in this world. The more I detach, the more I appreciate and realize the importance of the real values life holds. To my beautiful children if this message reaches you somehow one day I hope you understand this. The beauty that awaits for you in life are not that of which you possess but the metaphysical aspects of the experience you’ll go thru. Life is more then what you have , what you leave behind will continue for the next lives to come. Always remember that the choices you make now determine where not only your people meaning your family go in the world but where all people as a whole go. I cannot stress that the message I wanted to leave behind before I go is to be good people to one another. I get on these live streaming apps for protection. I feel i don’t have it in me to give up while a few 100 people are watching. I talk about giving up a lot on my streams, and no matter what I’m streaming about I always end the stream with the same message, be good people. My head is spinning and is overwhelmed with pain and stress, I don’t know who to talk to and frankly I would only tell them how ready I am to go. I hope I can push the world to be better to each other. You, the person reading this can help the next person feeling like me. I just hope the world can become more sympathetic, we all have lived, we have all experienced pain,sadness,hurt. We all know what it feels like to not be okay. Love the next person like that moment is the point in life that makes or breaks them. Love the people you love now, don’t wait till you’re not able to show them anymore.