I am taking more and more risks and hope that I will eventually be killed doing something dangerous and fun/retarded. I never asked for this. I am not suicidal, but I have little to no value for my own life and I won't do much to preserve myself. I have no value for any life of any kind. I wouldn't call myself evil or malicious in the traditional sense, but I don't care about anyone without cause. Family, friends, little kids, the sick, the elderly don't mean much of anything to me outside of the moment we are in proximity. If I died I wouldn't care. If my children died (I don't have children but if I did) I wouldn't care. I'm getting to a point where everything is becoming a burden on me and can't break things Into any smaller a piece to be more manageable. Opening the doors is getting hard. Opening a book is hard. Breathing is getting hard. Blinking is getting hard . I'm indifferent to everything.