Hello everyone I believe I have put myself into a bit of a predicament. Lately I have been a bit (little bit of an understatement) lonely. Looking back on my life I realized that at 21 I have never had any "real" friends and have never been in a relationship. I ask myself why this is and I always come to the conclusion that I just hate people. Throughout my life it has been of my opinion that people are just generally shitty and only want something from you. Obviously this can't be the case for 0 of the people I have met, that's just not possible. This got me thinking. If I am the only consistent factor in everything I do then I must be the problem. I started to think "why do you hate people?". The day to day interactions I have with people are normally pretty fine. Going to the grocery store, work, and other small interactions are very easy for me and people generally come out happy after talking to me. Its when things get more personal is when my "dark side" (not trying to be edgy but I can't think of a better phrase) comes out. I am immediately defensive when people ask me personal questions, in my mind the only reason you would want to talk to me is because you want something. Now you may ask me what if you are in public like a bar or a public event? That's the think I don't go out AT ALL. I forcibly keep myself from meeting new people, from trying new things, ect. I just can't get my mind off of the mindset of hating people. I try to rationalize my situation by saying "no one likes what you do and they'll make fun of you for it". This can't be true either. If it exists than there is at least one other person in the world that likes it. In my mind people are just out to not necessarily "get me" but more of to find a way to ridicule me. Even if I find people who are into the same stuff I am I can only converse or hang out with them for a short period of time before I just get irritated for no discernible reason. I can't even look at thinks to do on websites like Meetup without getting frustrated with things like "oh that guy is awkward" or "oh what a wierdo" or something along those lines. Has anyone else been in the same situation as me? I just want to have real friends and someone other than my parents to care about me on a more personal level. Thank you for sticking with this if you are still here. I apologize if it came off as rambly I still don't think I highlighted my issue but its too late now.