My body is healthy physically as far as I know but my mental state is gone completely gone. I'm what it feels like at the lowest point in my life. Finances are shit, my emotions are everywhere and then numb, my mind attacks me daily and I get depressed from it. I think of suicide alot more than I did. I'm probably rhe lonliest person in my family. I feel completely out of place in my family. I feel like a true disease sucking the life out of my siblings who are full of life depsite what has happened to them. Both of my siblings have relationships and friends. I never had either not really. I was just a problematic kid. The worst in school not in academics but behavior wise. I'm thinking of sick twisted things I could do to myself to further worse my condition. I'm sorry family. I deeply hurt you in almost everyway. I wish I had the money I would just disappear in the middle of nowhere and never talk to them again. They are better off without me. Atleast nature could kill me off.