I’ve been with many men (cries) and one woman before my current relationship with a non-binary AFAB babe.

Hetero comp is heavvvyyy and I’m in therapy trying to unpack it and everything. But because I’ve been with mostly straight cis manly men, I’ve always assumed a submissive role in the bedroom. Even when I had sex with the woman in the past, I was bottoming.

Looking back on it, I always pictured myself as the man when I watched porn. I had urges to touch the men I was with in certain ways and do things that they were not comfortable with because they felt “submissive.” Like I couldn’t touch their butt or anything, or take control etc.

Since entering my newest relationship, Ive realized how much I’m tired of being a bottom and a sub.

Im almost always the one receiving penetration or in a submissive position. I know that being a bottom or sub is more than that. Sometimes it’s just a vibe. But I always get the vibe that im bottoming.

It’s making it hard for me to have sex because I want to be in control and be the giver rather than the receiver.

My partner has always been a top and had mentioned that since we’ve been together theyve done things with me that they haven’t let past partners do like going down on them, fingering them, kissing their breasts etc. which is awesome.

I just feel bad because I don’t want to push them to do something they don’t want or feel comfortable with but im finding it hard to fully enjoy sex because there’s so many things I want to do that I feel like I can’t cause it’ll make them feel like too much of a bottom.