The more time I've been spending on lesbian spaces online the more I feel like unaliving myself. According to the women in these spaces, if I'm not a "gold star" lesbian then apparently I'm actually a bisexual "bislut" and a horrible person and am undeserving of love. Yes I dated men in the past. IN THE PAST. I have absolutely zero desire to ever be with a man ever again. I'm attracted to women and have been since I was 12 but I still passively dated men who I was never genuinely attracted to, but they asked me out and because I had low self-esteem, zero social skills and have no friends. I was never truly attracted to any of them. I just thought their companionship was better than being alone. I have always been an outcast. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to appease my family, who have always treated me like garbage for as long as I've been alive because I've always been "dykey". I am no longer willing to live in a way that makes me miserable. But apparently this makes me a faker and worthless. I am not worthy of calling myself a lesbian. No matter what I do in my life to attempt trying to belong somewhere I'm rejected and honestly I'm tired of it. I don't know where to go from here. I'm 32 and as I've been healing from other serious mental health issues the more I realize I haven't been fully present in my own life until now. But again, according to these perfectly pure gold star lesbians, because I wasn't absolutely sure of myself when I was out of the womb I'm not Worthy